Before

Things said, given, or done shortly before a death that no one saw coming.

/ Why I am asking

I am beginning the research for a new short book about death. Not a guide this time, but a book about a pattern I keep encountering.

People tell me that someone they loved said something in the days or hours before dying. A remark that meant nothing at the time. A question a child asked in the car. An object handed over with no occasion attached. An instruction. A phone call that ended differently than usual. Nobody was preparing for anything. And then afterward the remark becomes impossible to put down.

I am not collecting these to prove anything. I want to know what people actually experienced, in their own words, before I decide what this book is…

/ The kind of story I am looking for…

If your person was ill, and everyone knew the end was close, that is a different kind of story and a valuable one. Those conversations are the subject of most of my work. This page is for the other kind, deaths that arrived without notice.

What helps most

  • The words themselves. As close to exact as you can get. If you are reconstructing, say so. Approximate is fine and be more honest than polished.

  • Where you were. Kitchen, car, doorway, phone. The ordinary setting is usually the point.

  • How much time passed. Between the moment and the death. Hours, days, a week.

  • What you thought at the time. Before you knew. Whether you brushed it off, laughed, argued, or forgot it entirely.

  • When you first went back to it. Some people return to it that same week. Some not for twenty years.

  • Anything physical. A note, an object, a voicemail, a photograph taken that day. 

  • What you have done with it since. Whether you tell it, keep it, doubt it, or have never said it out loud.

There is no minimum length. If you would rather speak than write, record a voice memo on your phone and attach it below. 

Nothing you send here goes into a book without your written permission.

This is the research phase. I am reading and listening, not selecting. If something you send seems right for the book, I will write to you, show you exactly how it would appear on the page, and ask. You can say no then. You can say yes and change your mind later.

 
 

/ About the last book

In 2018 I published Let's Talk About Death (Over Dinner) with Hachette, the book grew out of Death Over Dinner, a project that has put millions of people around a table on this subject. The book has been translated into over a dozen languages and is currently being turned into a play.